A post without a picture: "On Making Decisions"

Hunter and I have really felt the pressure of... life, recently. We're feeling that classic worry-your-brains-out-during-your-Senior-Year feeling, or at least I am, maybe not him. This post may or may not turn into a rant. Read at your own risk. 

I'm so so so tired of the question, "So what are you planning on doing after you graduate?" Or for Hunter, "What is Hunter doing now?" I know that people are just innocently curious, but sometimes I just want to scream back "WE DON'T KNOW YET OKAY?!" And I always feel so shameful when I do say that. Normally, not screaming. Gosh I cannot even express my frustration for this topic. Picking your career/major is a hayooge (in case you don't know what that word was it was a dramatic spelling for "huge") decision. Adults give you a hard time when you're not sure, but they also give you a hard time when you change your mind! I'm sorry but I'm going to change my mind. I already have about 1,000 times since I was 5. This is my life here, and I want to make sure it's right! Maybe I've researched something more in depth and come across a part of the career that I don't think I'd like. Maybe I don't like the salary. The hours. The work environment. There are countless reasons why I change my mind. And let me get this out of the way really quickly...

I don't want to go to a university. And I don't feel sorry about that. It is simply not for me, and there are other people that it isn't right for too. That doesn't mean I don't want to go to college, I just don't want to waste money going to a University that I will hate. I don't want to be paying college loans until the day I die, I do not want to dorm, and I don't want to get a useless degree. I want to stay home, live with my parents, and go to Tulsa Community College for free for 2 years and then decide what to major in from there. So,  shoot me for being practical. I'm not saying that people who do go to Universities are stupid, but I am saying that it would be stupid if I went, because it is not what I want. 

I just wish that people wouldn't... expect so much. I am a kid. I know that you have to grow up once you graduate, but I'm smart enough to stay here and not blow my money at a University. So please, respect the decisions that people make. And don't act surprised when those decisions change, because more than likely, they will. Especially mine. 

Pray for us as Hunter and I search for what we need to do with our lives. I pray that it is something that pleases God and just feels right.

Halfway through my last year of highschool with these people I love

I know that I shouldn't be thinking that way, but it's kind of hard not to. This semester has just flown by, and I didn't think it would. I knew this year would be so busy and so tiring that I thought it would never end. And to be completely honest it's not even close to ending, even though it's halfway through. Next semester has the musical, show choir competition season, Taylor's graduation (!!!),  Carnegie Hall, and graduation. Pray for me. 

Despite how crazy it's been, I could not have had better friends to stick it out with. Just looking at that bottom picture makes me tear up. PS that's a picture of Choir Leadership. I've had so many wonderful memories with each and every one of them, and I love them all to pieces. Our Christmas party couldn't have gone any better! Merry Christmas from BAHS Choir!

snow day photoshoots

Well, winter is here, and has caused school to be closed for 3 days so far! Not to worry, we've taken plenty of pictures to keep ourselves busy. I love a good snow day, but now it's kind of messing up things that we had planned in Choir and Drama, so we need to get this ice melted and out of the way! The dogs aren't too fond of the snow, but they're getting by. The picture of all three of them in front of the fireplace took some serious effort. Treats and stern voices were used. We've also gotten to get some quality time with sweet Cass, and she's ready for Christmas! Isn't she just the cutest thing you've ever saw?! Maybe I'm biased. :)

A post without a picture

People tend to scroll past posts without any pictures to look at. And honestly, I don't blame them. They look daunting, paragraphs and paragraphs ahead of you. I don't expect you to spend the time reading this anyway, but if you do then you'll get a pretty darn good look into this noggin of mine. Here goes.

...

Recently, since the show has ended, I've become... unhappy with myself. I suddenly saw this person that I had become due to stress and lack of sleep. I didn't like the person at all, this impatient, crabby, and drab human being that just goes through the motions. And I became overwhelmed with how much I needed to improve and what needed to be fixed, so I didn't fix anything at all. I was scared. Without Sabrina Fair, I lacked an excuse for my behavior, and really, Sabrina Fair shouldn't have been an excuse to begin with. I knew that staying strong in my relationship with God would be very hard this year, just as it was hard to be strong in all of my relationships during the run of the show. The show becomes your only relationship, it seems... this demanding, bratty and intolerable boyfriend. I hated it. I wanted the relationship with my real boyfriend, who's patient, loving, and accepting of me. Now I have him, and he knows what happened to me and how sorry I am for that. Thank goodness he's so forgiving and patient with me, I simply don't deserve him.

...

Taylor left for boot camp. He's been gone for a week now. Before he left, I had kind of ignored the fact that he was leaving because I knew it would make me upset and I couldn't risk more upset during the performance nights (he conveniently left in the middle of performance week) of Sabrina Fair. The day he left, I hadn't cried all day. But I did cry when he hugged me and walked to the car. On the way home, I had gathered myself and I told myself that I was done being sad because this was what Taylor wanted. I pulled up to my house, and I saw Taylor's car parked at the curb. It was then that I lost it. All the built up sadness, the stress, the exhaustion, it was all let go because I knew that I wouldn't have Taylor to fight with about where to park my car in our cul-de-sac. Never did I once think I should appreciate that, but I took it for granted, just like we do with all of the other silly things in our lives. And so we carry on, and my mom listens to his voicemail multiple times everyday, and watches gobs of documentaries on the marines. I started his letter, and my goal for all of my letters is for them to be without sadness. I want him to feel updated and included with the happenings of our family. I want him to laugh. I want him to know the scores on the OU games. And I want him to have pictures. Doesn't he have enough sadness and loneliness?

...

Ending with the one thing that I am thrilled about: Rachel, Nick and Cassidy being here. I have never been so thankful to have my sister with me again, and even better, Nick and my niece! I've gotten to spend so much time with them and I will never take that for granted again. So I thank God for bringing them here, and just how all of that worked out.

...

When Linus and Sabrina kissed

There are a lot of things going on here. This is a photo from our play, Sabrina Fair. It's the scene where Linus and Sabrina kiss. I loved this part in the play, it's so sweet and romantic. Hunter was at this performance, and happened to sit on the exact side where the kiss takes place. Matt, one of our good friends, knew that it would be in Hunter's best interest to not see this happen. 

Hunter didn't protest.

Bekah the Fan Girl

Lynnlee and I became fangirls on Sunday. We went to see Ben Rector at Cain's Ballroom on Sunday, and I have never swooned and sighed as much as I did on that night. Embarrassing. But really, I love him. I love the music he makes, and I love who he is as a person. I would also like to point out that we were in the very front row. Seriously, within like 7 feet of him. No one was blocking our view. It was absolute perfection. If you haven't ever heard of Ben Rector, please, do yourself a favor and go look up any of his songs. 

Love him.

Time Traveling for Halloween

Here we are, Rosie the Riveter and WWII Captain America. Honestly, I expected no less of our Halloween costumes. I think Hunter and I were born to live in the past. We love our country's history and all of the amazing things that happened. We're just old souls, trapped in this time period we call the present. 

Also, in case you were wondering, that brown stuff on my face is supposed to be machinery oil, not bronzer. My lanta, I don't know what I would do... 

Happy Halloween!

Why I Sing

There simply isn't anything quite like music. Nothing else can give you the feelings you get when you listen to something that moves you. I honestly can't function without singing. It's my way to connect with God. Since it's important to me, I feel like I'm giving Him the most important piece of me that I can give.  I'm so glad that I've been able to perform all throughout school, and I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't. I know that I won't continue singing through college, but I also know that it will never leave me. I just don't think studying theatre or music is what I need to do in my life. I'll of course sing in Church, which is my favorite place to sing. I'll sing to Cassidy, I'll sing to my dogs, I'll sing to Hunter even! But I won't stop singing, because it's who I am.

Holy Senior

I am a Senior. I can't believe it, really. I think back to when Taylor and Rachel were seniors and I thought they were so old. I'm not old. I'm so young, and I have so much to learn and experience. I thought that their lives as children were completely over, and they were adults. I'm nowhere near an adult. I still a girl. I still giggle and I still need my parents to help me through my life. I still like to be tucked in, and I choose Disney channel over any adult show. The difference is that I'm starting to have control over how I want to live my life. I get to choose my education and my career. I'm excited and I'm terrified. I'm just going to jump, and I'll have to unfold my wings as I fall. Senior year, here's to you.

2 important S names (Sandi and Sabrina)

Just a few photos from the past couple of weeks that I've been MIA. I know it's hard to believe, but yes things HAVE gotten crazy. We've started rehearsal for Sabrina Fair, our fall play, and we've done lots of fun things with choir! One of these super fun things was singing with Sandi Patty! In case you don't know, Sandi Patty is a christian type singer who has a wonderful voice that makes me emotional. I seriously could cry any time she opens her mouth to sing. We got to be her back up choir at her concert and it was an amazing experience. She was so sweet to us! 

I mentioned that rehearsal has started for Sabrina Fair, and this has been really challenging. Sabrina is one of the most complex characters I've ever played, and I absolutely love that, but I really have to work hard to do this role. Rehearsals are very valuable. Also, this show will have a studio audience that sits onstage, so I'm very anxious to see how that all goes! Senior year is in full swing, and I'm having so much fun. I love my friends immensely and I'm very blessed to have them. More to come soon!

Seriously I love these people

 The amount of love I have for these humans right here is CRAZY. Like for real. They make me who I am. They make everything good. And they make choir super duper amazing. I am so excited for my senior year! I can honestly say that I love school, given I have no core classes.. but still! I hope these people know how much they mean to me! This year could not get better.

And I just couldn't not post one of these pictures so I posted all of them. Don't regret it at all.

How I feel about people

Love. We throw the word around every single moment of every day. We love our that new top our best friend has on, we love our morning coffee, we love our parents, we love to sleep at night, we love so many things. That, my friends, isn't bad. I love to love things, and I hope you do too! However, I kind of think it desensitizes what the word really means and how we use it.

People baffle me. Just wow. Take a second and think about all of the different people and personalities and potentials and just thoughts that we humans have! God made us so, well cool. People are important. We like to think that they aren't, that it's about ourselves, and what we do with our life, and how things are going for us and for those that we care about. I like to think that too, more often than not. It's obviously very easy to think that way. Painless. Only God does not tolerate that kind of thinking. Anyone can do that. But it's our responsibility, as his followers who have experienced His love, to show that love to everyone. We even have to show it to people that we cannot stand. People that irk us, hate us, don't talk to us, or just cause problems. I've recently discovered how hard this command is. 

We must love. First of all, we have to love God. That's number one of course! I find God so easy to love. He shows grace and mercy and guidance for us, so yeah I love him for that! Plus he really loves me! The tricky part on that one is to keep that love growing, and to remember to show God how much we love him. The second most important commandment is to love others. Key word: everybody. Just as Christ loved us. Woah man. Those are some big shoes to fill, lemme tell ya. We've got our work cut out for us.

I encourage you to let Christ's love shine through you this week. Deliberately think about it, make it a task. Make people notice you. They don't necessarily have to go "Oh, yep she's a Christian," but just aim to make them notice that you are different from the world. That's our goal. We're only tourists folks, just on vacation! 

Matthew 22:37-40 (MSG)

"Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence. This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: Love others as well as you love yourself. These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them"

Word's Worth (yep they still exist)

 

The art of demolition

Oh by the way, that top picture is his "if you don't quit taking photos I'm going to lose it" face. This past weekend, Hunter and I went to a demolition derby in Miami, Oklahoma! It was my first one ever! I absolutely loved it. It definitely brought out my Okie. I felt like a hick. And it was awesome. 

For some reason the entire time I was there I kept thinking that this event was a foreshadowing of this year. In a positive way. I am determined to make this year the best ever. 

Also, school has begun and so have the fundraisers! Broken Arrow Fine Arts is singing in a stand alone concert at Carnegie Hall on Easter. I'll be going with Choir and Theatre, so believe me I will be needing funds. Please let me know if you would like to buy anything from our fundraisers! We are currently selling cookie dough and bags. Email me (go to the contact page!) or message me on Facebook for more information! Thank you all!

Cheesehead

Woah. This summer has been a complete whirlwind of traveling and suitcases. I just got back from my very last summer trip yesterday! Our church does a "Gonna-be Senior Trip", where they take the upcoming seniors to a super cool location and talk about the leadership expected of us for the year in our Youth Group and church. This year we went to Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin, with a glimpse at St. Louis on the way! I was so surprised at the beauty that Wisconsin hides! And Lynnlee got to join me as well!

 

So I was a cheesehead for a week. And I loved it a whole lot. God makes amazing things. And his presence was so strong throughout the entire trip. Special thanks to Mike and Karen Baskett for all that they do for our youth group and for the inspiration they are for me. 

Aunts and Nieces

I know that I've been a stranger this summer. but I do have my reasons! I've been in Pennsylvania with my sister helping take care of my brand spankin' new niece. I'm an Aunt. What a fulfilling title. It's crazy how everything worked out. Cassidy was born 3 days after we arrived in PA, so we got to spend lots and lots of time with her! I may be a little bit biased, but I have a pretty darn cute niece.

And I am the proud photographer of this super sweet client!! I couldn't be happier to have Cassidy as a part of our family. I'm already so in love with her, and I miss her so much!

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom can be no variation, neither shadow that is cast by turning."

James 1:17 (ASV)

I'm alive and in America

I admit it. I've been procrastinating about this post since it involves lots of typing and picture posting, but I'm finally doing it! 

Ukraine. I went there.

 I can't really think of how to begin explaining the impact it had on me. First off, I've never been a part of anything like this. It was beyond amazing. We conducted Vacation Bible School in a total of 4 churches in 4 different cities. There were 2 groups, and each group went to 2 cities. I had the youngest group. 

To begin with, I loved those kids. It was so difficult and so tiring but I can not thank God enough for this amazing opportunity to show these kids God's love for them. There were definitely challenges, (definitely) but I wouldn't have it any other way. Let me tell you one thing, I will never take advantage of speaking the same language as someone ever again. It's very very hard to have rules when it takes so long to translate those rules! We told parables, did memory verses, and they did 2 crafts per day which were so cute! You can see one of the crafts in the top picture. In short, it was remarkable. Now here's some pictures of some super cute kiddos.

I'm also so thankful that Hunter and I could experience this together! There is nothing quite like it. And I think it's a little bit torturous to be together nonstop for 2 weeks and then have to be apart for 3 weeks. He's headed to Colorado for vacation and I will be headed to Pennsylvania to meet little Cassidy Quinn! I can't wait for her to be here. But I do miss this cutie, that's for sure!