What's ahead

I feel like I have so much to document, and I get frustrated when I don't get to document as much as I'd like to. However, I've come to accept that I do have to live my life, and settle for simply the memories of some things. 

I haven't said much about the Holidays, so here we go! To be completely honest, Christmas was bittersweet this year. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and we all enjoyed the time we spent together! It was also Cassidy's first Christmas so that was fun! But every single tradition, every single meal, was empty without Taylor being with us. All we could think about was what he was doing, if he was upset, or how much we missed his presence. He said that they mostly gave them the day off, and they had a lot of free time, but he was so homesick. And it makes us sick. He doesn't belong at Boot Camp on Christmas. He belongs on the couch with me opening up our stockings, or in our pictures, or at our table. So this year was harder than most, but I am so thankful for it because it opened up my eyes to how important people are to me.

This year, it is so important for me to keep my relationship with God a priority. Through my prayers, I've discovered that when I get stressed, of course I tend to put my faith on hold for whenever I can "get to it." And I make myself insane trying to keep up with all of my relationships. Mom, dad, Rachel, Cassidy, Hunter, Lynnlee, Maggie. The list goes on and on. And each person becomes frustrated when I leave them out for too long, and I understand that completely. Since I'm so worried about my earthly relationships, my heavenly relationship gets put off to the side, except that's the one relationship that would make everything else fall into place. I don't know if that made sense to you, but it really really does to me. SO. This year is dedicated to having my priorities straight. Period. I need to lean on God when I'm scared, excited, nervous, or worried. And I know I'll be full of all of those things this semester.

I'm so scared for this semester. So scared that it makes me tear up just thinking about it. There are roles to be cast, show choir shows to be competed, and, dare I say it... New York. So, here's to a great start to a wonderful year. I hope it holds amazing things.

A post without a picture: "On Making Decisions"

Hunter and I have really felt the pressure of... life, recently. We're feeling that classic worry-your-brains-out-during-your-Senior-Year feeling, or at least I am, maybe not him. This post may or may not turn into a rant. Read at your own risk. 

I'm so so so tired of the question, "So what are you planning on doing after you graduate?" Or for Hunter, "What is Hunter doing now?" I know that people are just innocently curious, but sometimes I just want to scream back "WE DON'T KNOW YET OKAY?!" And I always feel so shameful when I do say that. Normally, not screaming. Gosh I cannot even express my frustration for this topic. Picking your career/major is a hayooge (in case you don't know what that word was it was a dramatic spelling for "huge") decision. Adults give you a hard time when you're not sure, but they also give you a hard time when you change your mind! I'm sorry but I'm going to change my mind. I already have about 1,000 times since I was 5. This is my life here, and I want to make sure it's right! Maybe I've researched something more in depth and come across a part of the career that I don't think I'd like. Maybe I don't like the salary. The hours. The work environment. There are countless reasons why I change my mind. And let me get this out of the way really quickly...

I don't want to go to a university. And I don't feel sorry about that. It is simply not for me, and there are other people that it isn't right for too. That doesn't mean I don't want to go to college, I just don't want to waste money going to a University that I will hate. I don't want to be paying college loans until the day I die, I do not want to dorm, and I don't want to get a useless degree. I want to stay home, live with my parents, and go to Tulsa Community College for free for 2 years and then decide what to major in from there. So,  shoot me for being practical. I'm not saying that people who do go to Universities are stupid, but I am saying that it would be stupid if I went, because it is not what I want. 

I just wish that people wouldn't... expect so much. I am a kid. I know that you have to grow up once you graduate, but I'm smart enough to stay here and not blow my money at a University. So please, respect the decisions that people make. And don't act surprised when those decisions change, because more than likely, they will. Especially mine. 

Pray for us as Hunter and I search for what we need to do with our lives. I pray that it is something that pleases God and just feels right.

Halfway through my last year of highschool with these people I love

I know that I shouldn't be thinking that way, but it's kind of hard not to. This semester has just flown by, and I didn't think it would. I knew this year would be so busy and so tiring that I thought it would never end. And to be completely honest it's not even close to ending, even though it's halfway through. Next semester has the musical, show choir competition season, Taylor's graduation (!!!),  Carnegie Hall, and graduation. Pray for me. 

Despite how crazy it's been, I could not have had better friends to stick it out with. Just looking at that bottom picture makes me tear up. PS that's a picture of Choir Leadership. I've had so many wonderful memories with each and every one of them, and I love them all to pieces. Our Christmas party couldn't have gone any better! Merry Christmas from BAHS Choir!

Bekah the Fan Girl

Lynnlee and I became fangirls on Sunday. We went to see Ben Rector at Cain's Ballroom on Sunday, and I have never swooned and sighed as much as I did on that night. Embarrassing. But really, I love him. I love the music he makes, and I love who he is as a person. I would also like to point out that we were in the very front row. Seriously, within like 7 feet of him. No one was blocking our view. It was absolute perfection. If you haven't ever heard of Ben Rector, please, do yourself a favor and go look up any of his songs. 

Love him.

Why I Sing

There simply isn't anything quite like music. Nothing else can give you the feelings you get when you listen to something that moves you. I honestly can't function without singing. It's my way to connect with God. Since it's important to me, I feel like I'm giving Him the most important piece of me that I can give.  I'm so glad that I've been able to perform all throughout school, and I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't. I know that I won't continue singing through college, but I also know that it will never leave me. I just don't think studying theatre or music is what I need to do in my life. I'll of course sing in Church, which is my favorite place to sing. I'll sing to Cassidy, I'll sing to my dogs, I'll sing to Hunter even! But I won't stop singing, because it's who I am.

Holy Senior

I am a Senior. I can't believe it, really. I think back to when Taylor and Rachel were seniors and I thought they were so old. I'm not old. I'm so young, and I have so much to learn and experience. I thought that their lives as children were completely over, and they were adults. I'm nowhere near an adult. I still a girl. I still giggle and I still need my parents to help me through my life. I still like to be tucked in, and I choose Disney channel over any adult show. The difference is that I'm starting to have control over how I want to live my life. I get to choose my education and my career. I'm excited and I'm terrified. I'm just going to jump, and I'll have to unfold my wings as I fall. Senior year, here's to you.

Seriously I love these people

 The amount of love I have for these humans right here is CRAZY. Like for real. They make me who I am. They make everything good. And they make choir super duper amazing. I am so excited for my senior year! I can honestly say that I love school, given I have no core classes.. but still! I hope these people know how much they mean to me! This year could not get better.

And I just couldn't not post one of these pictures so I posted all of them. Don't regret it at all.

The art of demolition

Oh by the way, that top picture is his "if you don't quit taking photos I'm going to lose it" face. This past weekend, Hunter and I went to a demolition derby in Miami, Oklahoma! It was my first one ever! I absolutely loved it. It definitely brought out my Okie. I felt like a hick. And it was awesome. 

For some reason the entire time I was there I kept thinking that this event was a foreshadowing of this year. In a positive way. I am determined to make this year the best ever. 

Also, school has begun and so have the fundraisers! Broken Arrow Fine Arts is singing in a stand alone concert at Carnegie Hall on Easter. I'll be going with Choir and Theatre, so believe me I will be needing funds. Please let me know if you would like to buy anything from our fundraisers! We are currently selling cookie dough and bags. Email me (go to the contact page!) or message me on Facebook for more information! Thank you all!

Ukraine Bound!

 

 I can't even tell you how excited I am to go on our Ukraine mission trip tomorrow! I'll be there for 2 weeks and I can not wait to soak up the experience like a sponge. I'm also a wee bit nervous since I've never been across the Atlantic, I've only been to Caribbean-type places. I know zero Russian. Hopefully I can catch on. I love working with kiddos, but I've never worked with little ones that didn't speak the same language as me! God is so wonderful, and I know that he'll lead me through the whole thing and keep me safe. Please keep our team in your prayers! Pictures will definitely follow. 

Promises

 

Hunter and I have been together for a whole year. 365 days. 52 weeks. 12 months. Geez Louise.

I know it might not seem like a whole lot of time to most people but to Hunter and I it seems like a big accomplishment. I've absolutely loved spending this year with Hunter. He's my best friend, he's really cute, he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel good about myself. And this anniversary we made a promise. The promise was basically already made between us but now it's all official. (and I got a cute ring so that's good) We promise to always stay together, no matter how hard it may seem. We promise to love and support each other even in our darkest times, and most importantly we promise to always keep God first in our relationship. We've found out that if you keep God as a priority while you're together then amazing things will happen. Really really amazing things. So yay for that promise. I like promises. And I like promises with people that I trust will keep them. (like Hunter) Thank God for Hunter and for the person he's made.

PS I'm really sorry for all the sappy posts but I just have to vent okay that is all

This guy

I really love this guy. This is what he came downstairs in when he saw the neighbor kids playing army in the backyard. You're never too old to play backyard army, really you aren't.

I feel like at times that I get too caught up in all of the negatives of everything. Sometimes things are tough, but that's how things go. I'm so blessed that God put him in my life. I'm a better person when I'm with him, and I know that together we could really make an impact. I don't want him to be perfect, I just want him to try his best. I want him to love me with all he has, and I want him to follow God. He does. And for that I am truly thankful.

Terribly sorry for all of the sap in this post but sometimes we just have to be sappy and move on.

Hello May, Goodbye AP tests

 Hi May! You've been a bit bipolar this year. Friday it was 40 degrees but last Monday was 87 degrees. Get yourself together. However, I am here to welcome you and remind you to always be yourself. (In case you forget, you're the month that has lovely 75 degree temps all the time) I'm always here to remind you if you need it.

Aside from silly May, I would like to announce that I have completed my Advanced Placement test for Environmental Science. (*applause) Now the only one I have left is my Statistics test, which is this Friday. Pray for me on that day. Also, don't be surprised if I'm never heard of again after that day. The test may or may not be dangerous toward its victims. Nevertheless, this is the face that I am making toward the Environmental Science test! You did NOT phase me! So there.

Lots of tea and stress

These last few weeks have been a whirlwind of fun and excitement. I've been living off of hot mint tea, as noted in the title. I have so much to share! First, Broken Arrow High School Tiger Rhythm Show Choir went to the Fame Branson competition and did very very well. There were four finalists for the National Competition, and we got 5th place, barely missing the cut off! But I am really proud of all the hard work we put towards our show, and I had a blast. Here are some pictures from the show! It was the "Rise and Fall of Fame".

Oh and here we are leaving on the bus

 

And here we are going to the Branson Belle Show Boat dinner! 

Then yesterday, The Sound of Music opened! I was completely shocked by how many people came. Let me tell ya, America loves this show. I play Louisa Von Trapp, the second oldest girl in the family. It's been a lot of hard work, a whole lot of stress, a lot of fast food, and a lot of sore feet, but mainly a lot of fun. If you live in the area please come and watch, I know you'll love it!

I love babies

 I've recently realized just how much I love baby everythings. I love baby humans, baby goats, (i mean how can you not just look at him) baby birds, baby cows, baby dogs, baby cats, baby elephants, baby horses. I can not get enough of babies! Maybe it's the fact that I think they're just really amazing. I know this may sound really silly, but I'm always amazed at the things God puts on this Earth. Especially actual babies. With my sister being pregnant, I've gotten a close look at the development of little Cassidy (it's a girl!) and all the cool things that happen while she grows! And let me tell ya, I can't wait to meet her. :) So please, enjoy this picture of me and baby Buck. He's smiling, like me.

As of Late

I have been so busy actually living life that I forget to share my life. Happens often.

It's been busy 'round these parts, and it's only going to get busier in the upcoming weeks. It's Spring Break right now, so yay! I got to go to Texas and be with Hunter and his family of whom I love. They're so welcoming and lovely and I just love going down there. We went to a flea market on Saturday and there were lots of cute animals! We also bowled. Hunter beat me.

Dare I talk about choir and the musical. I'm so nervous. Everything is coming up so quickly! We move to the PAC for The Sound of Music on MONDAY and that's frightful. Also, Show Choir goes to Branson April 5th. GAG.

Regardless, I'm really excited for the rest of the school year! It'll be tiring and busy, but oh so worth it. As much as I complain about my hectic schedule, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have a crazy life. It all pays off and I love what I do.

Also, the bottom left picture of a really adorable child is Hunter, and yes, it is completely irrelevant to the rest of the photos. But it had to be included. 

Feelings

 Being in touch with how you feel is really important. Well, to me anyway. I have to understand exactly what emotion I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it, otherwise things can become messy because you just don't understand. People often mistake a lot of emotions that they're feeling for anger. Everything has become "I'm mad at so and so" or "Are you mad at me?" or "I made so and so mad" when in reality, emotions are so complex. To me, mad is the easy way out. You could feel hurt, (which in my opinion is how people usually feel when they mistakenly say they're mad) or rejected, or not good enough, or left out, or offended, or confused. 

In order to rationally understand what I'm feeling and why, I write. I write and write and write and my hand never seems to cramp. I've learned that when my feelings are hurt, I tend to act irrationally and say things that I really don't mean. It's important for me to express. It helps me figure out exactly who I am and what I believe. Because I've recently discovered how easy it is to lose yourself in other people's thoughts, and I don't want to be that kind of person anymore. God made me. He made me just how he wanted me, and I must respect his creation and truly be myself. In the words of the lovely Judy Garland,

"Always be a first rate version of yourself, rather than a second rate version of someone else."

Lazy is what we were

Rain. I like it.

I went home from school sick today. My throat is just killing me. So BOO for that. But on the plus side, I got to be super lazy with my doggies and listen to the storm go on outside the windows. I just love doing that. Being in my jammies all snuggly with a sleepy puppy curled up beside me. Yes please! This picture is a bit blurry, but it will be suffice.

So today is good and bad! But at least there is some good.

Bad Ideas

 Lucy is an interesting dog. I'd give anything just to know what she was thinking at certain moments. Like this one. I mean, logically, if it's warm outside, and the grass is all dead-like, then you roll around on the grass to get as much grass on your fur as you can before you come inside, right? Then that way all of the grass will get all over the floor in the house! Yes, that is completely plausible. It is moments like these that justify Hunter's nickname for her, "Lucifer". Pretty clever I thought. But also mean.

Things like these are just bad ideas. I have a lot of them. Like when I wear a dress to school. Almost 75% of the time I wear a dress to school (in the winter, not the spring. spring dresses make life better always) I immediately regret that decision and wish I was taking a nap at home in sweat pants. Well, I wish that regardless of my daily attire, but it is more enhanced when I wear a dress in the winter. 

Or like racing Hunter to his truck. THAT my friends, is an awful idea for many reasons. Firstly, I do not do any physical activities usually ever. (except singing and talking and dancing which all 3 can make you extremely out of breath) Secondly, Hunter is basically daddy long legs or whatever. Thirdly, Hunter plays rugby. So all of these reasons just scream "BAD IDEA" yet I still do it.

Eating tacos and sandwiches and pastries and burgers and soup (but not all at the same time) before show choir rehearsal is also a not so great plan. Movement and food babies do NOT go well together everyone. You've had your warning.

Bad Ideas. They happen often in BekahWorld.

Ever frequent Panera dates

Lynnlee and I are studious. We do our school work, and we do it as soon as it is assigned. Just because that is how we are. For me, I think it's because my mom is a teacher and kind of gave me a glimpse into the life of one. (which is why I chose to be a responsible student) Lynnlee has just always been that way. It's who she is. 

Recently, we've been going to Panera to do our homework. And what a difference it is! The atmosphere is divine, and the food and beverages instantly put me in a great mood. It makes homework seem much less daunting. We're thankful for that. Also Madison works there which is wonderful. Here's the progression of how the afternoon usually goes:

These are a few of my favorite things

Auditions happened. For The Sound of Music. Hence the title. So, yeah.

I thought I would include a few of my favorite things, since I was so "inspired" by Maria's things. A few of her's are a little strange, such as schnitzel with noodles, but hey I won't judge.