A post without a picture: "On Making Decisions"

Hunter and I have really felt the pressure of... life, recently. We're feeling that classic worry-your-brains-out-during-your-Senior-Year feeling, or at least I am, maybe not him. This post may or may not turn into a rant. Read at your own risk. 

I'm so so so tired of the question, "So what are you planning on doing after you graduate?" Or for Hunter, "What is Hunter doing now?" I know that people are just innocently curious, but sometimes I just want to scream back "WE DON'T KNOW YET OKAY?!" And I always feel so shameful when I do say that. Normally, not screaming. Gosh I cannot even express my frustration for this topic. Picking your career/major is a hayooge (in case you don't know what that word was it was a dramatic spelling for "huge") decision. Adults give you a hard time when you're not sure, but they also give you a hard time when you change your mind! I'm sorry but I'm going to change my mind. I already have about 1,000 times since I was 5. This is my life here, and I want to make sure it's right! Maybe I've researched something more in depth and come across a part of the career that I don't think I'd like. Maybe I don't like the salary. The hours. The work environment. There are countless reasons why I change my mind. And let me get this out of the way really quickly...

I don't want to go to a university. And I don't feel sorry about that. It is simply not for me, and there are other people that it isn't right for too. That doesn't mean I don't want to go to college, I just don't want to waste money going to a University that I will hate. I don't want to be paying college loans until the day I die, I do not want to dorm, and I don't want to get a useless degree. I want to stay home, live with my parents, and go to Tulsa Community College for free for 2 years and then decide what to major in from there. So,  shoot me for being practical. I'm not saying that people who do go to Universities are stupid, but I am saying that it would be stupid if I went, because it is not what I want. 

I just wish that people wouldn't... expect so much. I am a kid. I know that you have to grow up once you graduate, but I'm smart enough to stay here and not blow my money at a University. So please, respect the decisions that people make. And don't act surprised when those decisions change, because more than likely, they will. Especially mine. 

Pray for us as Hunter and I search for what we need to do with our lives. I pray that it is something that pleases God and just feels right.

Halfway through my last year of highschool with these people I love

I know that I shouldn't be thinking that way, but it's kind of hard not to. This semester has just flown by, and I didn't think it would. I knew this year would be so busy and so tiring that I thought it would never end. And to be completely honest it's not even close to ending, even though it's halfway through. Next semester has the musical, show choir competition season, Taylor's graduation (!!!),  Carnegie Hall, and graduation. Pray for me. 

Despite how crazy it's been, I could not have had better friends to stick it out with. Just looking at that bottom picture makes me tear up. PS that's a picture of Choir Leadership. I've had so many wonderful memories with each and every one of them, and I love them all to pieces. Our Christmas party couldn't have gone any better! Merry Christmas from BAHS Choir!

snow day photoshoots

Well, winter is here, and has caused school to be closed for 3 days so far! Not to worry, we've taken plenty of pictures to keep ourselves busy. I love a good snow day, but now it's kind of messing up things that we had planned in Choir and Drama, so we need to get this ice melted and out of the way! The dogs aren't too fond of the snow, but they're getting by. The picture of all three of them in front of the fireplace took some serious effort. Treats and stern voices were used. We've also gotten to get some quality time with sweet Cass, and she's ready for Christmas! Isn't she just the cutest thing you've ever saw?! Maybe I'm biased. :)

A post without a picture

People tend to scroll past posts without any pictures to look at. And honestly, I don't blame them. They look daunting, paragraphs and paragraphs ahead of you. I don't expect you to spend the time reading this anyway, but if you do then you'll get a pretty darn good look into this noggin of mine. Here goes.

...

Recently, since the show has ended, I've become... unhappy with myself. I suddenly saw this person that I had become due to stress and lack of sleep. I didn't like the person at all, this impatient, crabby, and drab human being that just goes through the motions. And I became overwhelmed with how much I needed to improve and what needed to be fixed, so I didn't fix anything at all. I was scared. Without Sabrina Fair, I lacked an excuse for my behavior, and really, Sabrina Fair shouldn't have been an excuse to begin with. I knew that staying strong in my relationship with God would be very hard this year, just as it was hard to be strong in all of my relationships during the run of the show. The show becomes your only relationship, it seems... this demanding, bratty and intolerable boyfriend. I hated it. I wanted the relationship with my real boyfriend, who's patient, loving, and accepting of me. Now I have him, and he knows what happened to me and how sorry I am for that. Thank goodness he's so forgiving and patient with me, I simply don't deserve him.

...

Taylor left for boot camp. He's been gone for a week now. Before he left, I had kind of ignored the fact that he was leaving because I knew it would make me upset and I couldn't risk more upset during the performance nights (he conveniently left in the middle of performance week) of Sabrina Fair. The day he left, I hadn't cried all day. But I did cry when he hugged me and walked to the car. On the way home, I had gathered myself and I told myself that I was done being sad because this was what Taylor wanted. I pulled up to my house, and I saw Taylor's car parked at the curb. It was then that I lost it. All the built up sadness, the stress, the exhaustion, it was all let go because I knew that I wouldn't have Taylor to fight with about where to park my car in our cul-de-sac. Never did I once think I should appreciate that, but I took it for granted, just like we do with all of the other silly things in our lives. And so we carry on, and my mom listens to his voicemail multiple times everyday, and watches gobs of documentaries on the marines. I started his letter, and my goal for all of my letters is for them to be without sadness. I want him to feel updated and included with the happenings of our family. I want him to laugh. I want him to know the scores on the OU games. And I want him to have pictures. Doesn't he have enough sadness and loneliness?

...

Ending with the one thing that I am thrilled about: Rachel, Nick and Cassidy being here. I have never been so thankful to have my sister with me again, and even better, Nick and my niece! I've gotten to spend so much time with them and I will never take that for granted again. So I thank God for bringing them here, and just how all of that worked out.

...